So this post is very long, I am warning
you. I had to make sure I got everything documented for our own personal
reasons though. So here you go, the story of the most
exciting/terrifying/emotional/tiring/wonderful/best day of our lives! :)
At exactly 5 AM on September 24th 2012, I
woke up to my water breaking in bed. I laid there for a minute trying to decide
if this was really happening. I didn’t feel any contractions but after a minute
or two I realized I definitely wasn’t peeing my pants so it had to be the real
deal!
I woke Eric up and we got everything ready
and headed to the hospital (after stopping at McDonalds for breakfast of
course! haha!)
We got to the hospital around 6 AM and got
checked in and assigned to the most amazing nurse, Tressa. I was dilated to a 5
and having super regular contractions! Within the hour I had dilated to a 6 and
was told that I would have a baby within a couple of hours. Baylee guessed that
he would be born at 10:33 AM and our nurse just laughed and told us that if he
was, I would have one of the luckiest labors she had ever seen!
My pain wasn't too bad but the anesthesiologist
was just about to go in for back to back c-sections and so I had the option to
get my epidural then or in about 2 hours when he had finished with the 2
scheduled c-sections. They warned me that if I waited the 2 hours I would
probably be dilated to an 8 and in the most painful part of my labor so if I
wanted to avoid being in pain they suggested I get the epidural then.
I got my epidural at 8 AM and my
contractions slowed wayyy down. I stopped dilating and everything kind of just
paused so they decided to give me some pitocin to get my labor back to the
speed it had been at naturally. My body, however, reacted to the pitocin super
strongly and I started having really strong, irregular, contractions that were
lasting 3-4 minutes each.
My whole family was sitting in my room and
were all just laughing and talking when Tressa came in to check me. She
mentioned that the baby's heart rate had been really low for about 2 minutes so
they were going to have me roll over to try and get him off of his umbilical
cord and boost his heart rate. We all kept talking and Tressa helped me roll
from side to side a few times. She then told us that his heart rate wasn't
going up and that if it didn't go up in the next minute we would have to get
prepped for an emergency c-section.
She sounded so calm about it that I just
kind of brushed it off, assuming that his heart rate would go back up and
everything would be fine.
A minute passed and all of the sudden my
family was being rushed out of my room and about 12 nurses were running in.
They stopped my pitocin in an attempt to get one of my weird contractions to
stop and started gathering things and bringing in another bed and all sorts of
commotion.
I had nurses grabbing my arms and legs,
strapping an oxygen mask to my face, and one nurse shaking my stomach. They
flipped me over onto my hands and knees and lifted me onto a different bed.
They paged Dr. Bierer for an emergency c-section and I looked over to see one
of the nurses dressing Eric in the surgical scrubs.
All of this happened within 2 minutes of
Tressa walking in to check me and my emotions couldn’t figure out what to do. I
was scared out of my mind but Baylee was standing right by the door so I was
trying really hard to not get panicked and cry but by the time they were
rolling me into the next room I couldn't hold it in anymore. I knew Eric was
just as scared and was trying to stay strong for me and that my family was all
praying for me as they watched me get wheeled away so I kept my head down and
only let a few tears escape.
They got us into the room and got me all
prepped for surgery and were just about to start the procedure when one of the
nurses yelled that his heart rate was stabilizing. By this time tears were
flowing pretty heavily and the sense of relief I felt didn’t help this.
Everything was okay and I would be able to have my baby just as I had planned.
Or so I thought.
Dr. Bierer explained to Eric and I that at
this point we had the option to wait it out and try to go through the rest of
the labor process but he warned us that Asher was not responding well to my
body's pattern of labor and if we did wait, Asher's heart rate was almost guaranteed
to drop again and the chances of them being able to stabilize it a second time
were very low. He said they would still be able to perform an emergency
c-section if that happened but it would be rushed and risky for both me and the
baby. He then told us that he would personally suggest to just continue with
the c-section while we were there since for the moment everything was stable
and they could continue at the pace they preferred.
Part of me just wanted to wake up from
this bad dream and go back 5 minutes when everything was normal. I didn’t want
to have a c-section. I wanted to go through the natural delivery process, I
wanted Eric to be able to cut the cord, I wanted my baby to placed on my chest
right after he was born, not whisked away by nurses and doctors, I wanted to
feel the sense of accomplishment that comes from the hard work of giving birth,
not be numbed and have the doctors do everything. This side of me wanted to
tell the doctor to go away, that I was going to do things the way they are
supposed to happen. Luckily, however, the logical side of me (and my frantic,
panicked, worried husband) told the doctor to do what was safe.
We agreed to whatever the doctor
recommended and so they proceeded with the c-section. It was the weirdest thing
I had ever felt. My eyes kept rolling back in my head and Eric would get
panicked and ask me if I was okay. I didn’t feel delirious or loopy, and I was
trying so hard to keep my eyes open to help Eric feel better but I physically
couldn’t help it. Mentally I was fine. I could hear everything that was going
on and was very much aware of what was happening but physically I felt like I
was falling apart.
I heard the doctor’s count and felt
someone push on my stomach with all their strength. They repeated the process a
second time and all the air in my lungs was pushed out and the pressure in my
stomach suddenly was gone. I knew that my baby was born and I listened for any
noise. I was being a paranoid mom after everything that had happened but I
couldn’t hear anything and thanks to the sheet they had put up for the
procedure I couldn’t see anything either. I was sure something was wrong and no
one was telling me what was going on. It felt like 5 minutes passed (Eric later
told me that I truly was being a paranoid mom and that 20 seconds was much more
accurate!) before I heard it. The sweet scream I had been waiting for. A little
foot was lifted above the sheet and I heard the nurses say “Look at all that
red hair!” My silent tears turned into violent sobs and nurses started rushing
to my side asking me if I was okay. I tried to choke out that I was just too
happy, with very little success. Luckily Tressa could interpret my tears and
told the nurses I was fine. My baby was less than a minute old and all I had
seen of him was a tiny foot and I already knew that I loved him more than
anything and that he was truly perfect.
Tressa came over and looked at me. She had
tears running down her face, which panicked me at first. She grabbed my
shoulder and said “You did amazing. I have never had anyone handle such a scary
thing so bravely before. He is perfect mom. You should be so proud of yourself;
I know that me and everyone else in this room are.” This just made me more
emotional.
Eric carried him over and with tears in
his eyes, leaned forward to kiss me. He told me he was so proud of me and asked
if I was okay. He held up our sweet baby for me to see and said “He is so
beautiful and the doctors said he is healthy and perfect.” Everything around me
just kind of stopped and I looked at the perfect baby in my husband’s arms
trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I made that! That the past 9 months
of work, swollen feet, back pains, and heart burn were over and I realized that
I would take everything I went through a million times over to be able to look
at my little family and realize what life is all about. I had never felt such
joy before and I think that must be why my body was convulsing so badly. (The
nurses later told me, the rush of hormones is actually what makes you look like
you are having a seizure, but that fact that I was hysterical at the time didn’t
help it either haha!) Eric then said something that brought just a little bit
of humor into this crazy emotional moment and that I will never let him live
down haha! “And look Lex, he has orange hair! Tons of it!” I tried not to laugh
but when Dr. Bierer scoffed and said “Orange hair, eh?? Do you mean red?” I
couldn’t help but start giggling in between my sobs haha!
Our perfect baby boy was born at 10:40 AM
(Baylee got the blame for all the awful stress since she guessed he would be
born at 10:33 AM. We are pretty sure she jinxed us haha!) He weighed 7 pounds 5
ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long.
Eric got to go with the baby right after
he was born and help get him cleaned up, but I didn't get to hold my sweet boy
for another hour and 20 minutes. After they got Asher all cleaned up and looked
at in the nursery they brought him to me to hold and try to nurse for about 15
minutes and then took him away again and moved me to postpartum. He met us
there about 45 minutes later.
As soon as he got to the new room the
pediatrician came in to check on him. This is when we noticed that he was
breathing funny and wheezing and whining a lot. This concerned the doctor so
they took him back to the nursery to do some tests. I had just barely gotten
the tears to stop and the fact that my baby was about 4 hours old and I had
only been able to hold him and love him for 30 minutes of that was making me
feel like I wasn’t going to be able to keep it under control much longer.
About an hour later the pediatrician came back
in to tell us the bad news. There was still a little bit of fluid in Asher's
lungs which was making it so he couldn't inflate them completely on his own
(the whining was him using extra effort to do so) and his glucose levels were
really low so he was being moved to the NICU.
It was one thing after another and I was
feeling exhausted and stressed to the max. First my baby was healthy, then he
wasn’t, then he was, then he wasn’t. I couldn’t keep things straight anymore and
wished the doctors would quit changing their minds.
They put Asher in the NICU and we were
allowed to go see him a few hours later, but I wish we wouldn’t have gone. We
got there just as they were starting his first treatment. I had to watch my
sweet newborn that I hadn’t even had the chance to really meet yet get a tube
shoved down his throat while he screamed and gagged. After they got the tube
down his throat they pressed a high pressure oxygen mask to his face. This made
him fight even harder. He couldn’t figure out how to breathe since both his
mouth and his nose were being occupied and his face was turning blue. Whatever
tears were left in my body made their way out while the nurses tried to assure
me that it was good that he was fighting.
The next day was much better. We were told
that his glucose was high again and that his oxygen levels had been perfect all
night. He still had the tubes in his nose and throat and an IV in his hand in
case his glucose levels dropped but they told us that as long as his levels
stayed normal they thought he would be released from the NICU and sent to the
TLC very soon.
Our little guy was in the NICU for 24
hours and then sent to the TLC (tender loving care unit) for another 24 hours
before he was released and we got him all to ourselves! It was so awful to have
to watch our baby go through so much but as we looked around the NICU and saw
the other babies in there we realized how truly blessed we really were.
I have never been so grateful for amazing
doctors and nurses in my life. Especially Tressa. She made our awful experience
bearable and was truly happy for us. She is one person that we will never
forget. Because of the c-section I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days and a
second didn’t pass that I wasn’t being completely pampered and cared for. Every
person that we came in contact with truly cared about our well being and wanted
both me and Asher to be healthy and comfortable.
On Friday, when we were being discharged
from the hospital I had some serious mixed feelings. I was feeling pretty
amazing for just having a c-section and was sick of being cooped up but on the
other hand I was pretty terrified to have to take my little baby home and take
care of him all on my own. I was nervous about the nights when I didn’t have a
nurse who offered to take him into the nursery for a few hours so I could sleep
and I was nervous that I would struggle with nursing and wouldn’t have the
lactation consultant to rush in and help me. Everyone assured me I would be
fine but I was still so nervous.
Heading home :)
Thankfully, everyone was right! We ended
up going to Tooele for the weekend, which was a big mistake. Everyone was so
excited to see him but I was still feeling overwhelmed about having a newborn,
let alone letting everyone touch and love on him. Not to mention it was hard to
sleep in a bed that wasn’t my own. I was stressed all weekend and got very
little sleep and then throw in the hormones of being a new mom… let’s just say
I was more than a little emotional.
I felt depressed and then I felt guilty
for feeling depressed when I had such a perfect baby and then I felt scared to
death because I knew that this baby was perfect and that it was my job to raise
him so any flaws he developed along his life would essentially be my fault… I
was a little bit of a basket case and had a break down on Sunday night. Luckily
Eric and I had a heart to heart and he made me feel lots better and once we got
back to Ogden and got more settled in I felt even more stable. By the end of
the week I was feeling only a little tired and I had finally started to feel
comfortable with my little man and things have only gotten better since!
As a last note, I have to give my wonderful, amazing, perfect husband even just a portion of the credit he deserves! Eric has been my lifesaver through this all. He was the one holding my hand while the nurses tugged and pulled on me and the one stroking my hair and whispering how much he loved me and that everything would be okay while I got my c-section. He shared my excitement when my water broke and we knew it was finally time to meet our baby and he stayed strong for me while his wife and baby were in danger. He has been my rock and my only set form of stability through everything. He is the one that rubbed my back while I cried as we watched Asher get tubes shoved down his throat. He spent the week sleeping on the uncomfortable couch in my room so I wouldn't have to be alone in the hospital. He brought me treats and didn't get frustrated when I had little bursts of emotions over silly things like leaving the breast pump in the car that was just parked in the driveway. He helped get me through feeling depressed and uncapable of raising this child the way he deserves. He has played with my hair during all those 3 AM feedings and changed the 4th poopy diaper in 15 minutes so I could get a few extra minutes of rest. He has helped me with the baby and housework and schoolwork and anything else I have asked him to so that I can get caught up with school and get our apartment in a liveable state. And most importantly he has shown more love to my sweet son then I have ever seen anyone else express towards anything. He is truly the worlds greatest dad and cares about our baby more than anything and I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man to spend eternity with. I don't know how I lucked out but I love him more than life itself and am so grateful that we have had the opportunity to bring such a perfect angel into this world and strengthen our relationship just that much more. I love you Eric. More than you could ever know and I am sorry if I haven't shown you how much I appreciate everything you have done for me the past few weeks. Thank you for being me Prince Charming and always treating me like a Queen.
Apparently not all of my hormones have worn off because looking at this picture gets me all teary eyed. I have been blessed with the 2 most amazing boys! :)
Our little guy is 2 ½ weeks old today and
we have survived and been learning how to adapt! He gets more and more handsome
everyday and we can’t help but love him! I will post another post later about
all the happenings in the past 2 1/2 -3 weeks but everything has been so great!
Asher is like the perfect baby. Seriously! He never cries and we even have to
wake him up in the middle of the night to eat. My mom assures me that he will
change haha.
Anyways, we love our handsome guy and I
will just end by posting some of our hospital adventure pictures! :)
Our little man once he was finally allowed to stay with us! :)
Feeling much better with our baby safe and healthy! :)
Our first family picture!
So happy our sweet boy gets to leave the NICU!
This was when Asher was in the TLC during one of his hour long visits to my room to nurse!
Dad and Asher saying goodbye to the NICU! :)
